When Grandma came to pick Mae up there was a small rectangular package sitting in the passenger seat, loosely wrapped in a Barnes & Noble bag. A present for her, Grandma explained. Mae opened it as the car pulled out of the parking lot. There were three books stacked atop one another. Howl’s Moving Castle, Castle in the Air, and House of Many Ways.
“One of your aunts used to love those books,” Grandma said. “I don’t know if you’ve read them already or not, but I thought you’d like them, too.”
“I haven’t read them.” Mae looked from Grandma to the stack of books, confused. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And when you finish those, if there are any other books that you want to read, you just let me know.”
Mae nodded, her confusion persistent. The gift was welcome, but Mae hadn’t expected such a kind gesture, especially after what Grandma had been putting Mother through. How could she be so thoughtful with her, yet so cruel to Mother, berating her and calling her a name that wasn’t hers? The name… why Jacob? Why call Mother that?
It wasn’t until they were approaching the apartment complex when Mae worked up the strength to ask her. “Grandma,” she started, “you keep calling Mother ‘Jacob.’ Why?”
Grandma sighed. “Because that’s his name, sweetie,” she said.
“But it’s not… is it?”
“I guess, not legally—and if that’s so then it’s a mistake, either on his part or the government’s. But the name I gave him when he was born is Jacob, and as far as I’m concerned that the only name he has.”
He? Why was she calling Mother ‘he?’ “But Jacob’s a boy’s name, right?” Mae asked. “Why name your daughter that?”
“I didn’t.”
“…What do you mean?”
“Jacob isn’t my daughter. He’s my son. He’s done a lot to hide that, messed up his chemistry, probably mutilated himself, too. But he’s my son. There’s no changing that.”
Now Mae was reeling, felt herself falling off-kilter inside. What Grandma was saying didn’t make sense. Mother looked like a woman, talked like a woman. She was a woman. As long as Mae was around no one ever questioned or contested that fact. Now Grandma was sitting there saying all of that was untrue. But it couldn’t be, Mae reasoned. In the two days that Grandma had been present she had given Mae no reason to trust her. So why should she take her seriously now?
“You know you’re adopted, right?” Grandma continued.
Slowly, Mae nodded. This she knew to be true. It hadn’t been a secret; Mother had told her less than a year ago, with Dad at her side to offer support and help answer her questions. They had assured her then that it wasn’t important, that it didn’t change anything. She was still their daughter and they were still her family. Mae accepted that, and they didn’t bring it up again after that. There wasn’t any need to, she figured. It didn’t really matter.
“It was their only option, Jake and that husband of his. And I suppose it wasn’t such a bad thing, but I can’t help feeling like it was misguided. That they’d made some kind of mistake along the way.”
Grandma parked the car in front of the apartment and turned it off. The two of them sat quietly for a moment. Then Grandma said, “Don’t think that I’m being needlessly cruel or disrespectful, Mae. That’s not my intention. I just think you deserve to know the truth. I don’t want you living with any more misconceptions. Okay?”
Mae nodded, but didn’t say anything. Her thoughts were still circling through her head, merging with everything Grandma had told her, condensing into a dark haze.
Grandma got out of the car, but Mae stayed behind, staring down at the floor.